Bittersweet Memories

Sometimes this Life
just becomes too much
I wish that I wasn't even born,
I often get to the point
That I feel I can't go on.
I just want to end the suffering
But I know I could never do that,
But suicidal thoughts
run through my head
I want to go back to the point
when I could bare this burden
and my Life wasn't a curse,
I try to remember
how things used to be
but it only intensifies this hurt.
It's like adding gas to flames of a fire
That was already burning bright,
Turning on the switch to a lamp inside
that is a spot light on my Life.
I thought the pain had ended
Or I at least had it under control,
But I was wrong like all times before
It seems I have sold my soul.
Sentenced myself to a life of pain
And stuck with left-overs of what used to be,
Just the memories of a Life once lived
That's all I have left inside of me.
The happiness, the smiles
The joy and the laughter,
That's how it once was
But now my Life is a disaster.
Memories of the past fill my head
And tears begin to form behind my eyes,
But I refuse to let them make that journey
I refuse to let myself cry.
The memories of a Life that was left behind
They seem to only be a tease,
Now I'm stuck with pain and hurt
And left with bittersweet memories.