Becoming

I am sitting here watching the latest
Grey's Anatomy episode, entitled "Becoming".
With its return after the writers strike,
the show has really taken on a turn.
I'm not too sure what to expect,
with another 3 episodes to go
before the season's finale.
This season has been really, really confusing
~ it's a little harder to identify, and not identify,
with the characters of the show.

Change
letting go of the old
and embracing the new.
Redefining who you are
and struggling like crazy
to be that better version of yourself
that you see in your head.

According to the writer of the episode,
it's about "Becoming who you want to be,
who you know you could be
if you weren't quite so screwed up
or preoccupied with kissing
when you need to be thinking
about surgery (or work for the rest of us)."
Apparently, all the characters
(and humans in general)
are trying, really trying,
to become these people they see in their head,
the versions of themselves who
are strong and successful and happy.

I cannot help but feel a very strong connection
with Ms Grey and her crew.
That there comes a point in time,
that we have to sit up, and listen to ourselves
– to what we want, where we're heading
and how we're gonna get there.

Becoming is hard ~ it hurts like hell
And can cost you friends and lovers
and career advancement.

A lot of changes have been taking place in my life...
from coming to terms with certain characters in my life
and learning to accept new ones…
from putting 110% into my new postition at work...
From trying to come to terms with some very big internal issues.
All of these things are big changes.

Some will succeed, and others will fail.
But all of them will try.

It's hard to discern which of these
changes would be the biggest in terms of impact.
All of them are rather profound
and all will likely have good outcomes to it.
The most surprising commonality of them all
is this ~ that I am trying.
Trying to see the good in each
of these changes and embrace them.

Some of these changes I can take in my stride.
But one of them scares the hell out of me,
and it is the one that I have pushed
to the very back of my head.
Unfortunately it always creeps back up on me.
I suppose, I have improved on this area,
in the sense that I have not gone
and done a Chris-usual but still hanging in there.

I suppose at the end of the day,
one has to take the leap of faith,
somehow, somewhere
and not think too much about it.

Because the alternative ~ standing still
Just.Isn't.An.Option.

Maybe someday, if I'm honest enough with myself,
I might just come outloud and say it... who knows eh?
Afterall, it's all about Becoming... who I want to be.