Questions and Answers

i had a long discussion with a co-worker about the nature of goodness and what can be considered ethically sound. i have misgivings about sharing with others an experience i had that has only just begun to transform what i ever thought of as "me".

i still don't have The Answers i thought i was looking for, and that's okay. it's entirely probable that i am not asking the Right Questions. it's difficult for one to do so when one doesn't quite understand the essence of what it is he thinks he wants to know. in short, i know nothing. and i think that's fine. and i hope that thinking it's fine is a step in the right direction, if there is one.

if i were a christian mystic, i might say something like, "i touched the face of God." i am not a mystic. i am not even a christian. so i can only speculate that my experience would be something a christian mystic would describe in such terms. if i were a buddhist monk, i might say, (or not say---therein lies the problem i face,) something like, "i ceased to be i; i ceased." but i am not a buddhist monk, either. i am a 24 year old guy, with a love of truth, and plenty of time on his hands of late.

i am not sure whether it is wise or even particularly useful to elaborate on the experience and the slim knowledge i believe i have gleaned thus far from it. right now it seems, at the least, that doing so would be akin to trying to grasp and hold water in my fist. i worry that the relevance and meaning of the experience would run out like so much water from inside a tightly clenched desire to impart it to others. terribly phrased, i'm sure, but i hope you understand.

today, though, i am tired and weak. i want little else but to curl up in bed and go to sleep.