letting things happen

we're always told to go with the flow,
act naturally, to let things run their course,
to let things happen the way they're meant to happen.
and yet on the other hand, we're also encouraged
to forge our own paths, take the bull by its horns,
to make our dreams happen, to take control of our own destinies.

i tried. while the jury's still out on whether or not
i was successful in shaping my own future, i'm exhausted.
it's one thing to control one's destiny,
it's a whole other thing to try to usher someone
who isn't quite sure they know what they want.
or are too afraid to go after what they want.

to keep my sanity, i will no longer ask,
no longer demand, no longer plead.
i'm done. i no longer want to feel anxious
and insecure and unsure of myself.
i know what i'm worth and i'm not settling.
i guess the only thing left to wait for
is whether or not there will be
a stepping up to the plate.
but my life will no longer be on hold.
if it comes, then it comes.
if it happens, then it happens.
but if it doesn't, then i'll cry and grieve,
but at the end of the day, c'est la vie.

so there it is in a nutshell.
while i'm never one to close doors,
i'm taking a deep breath and stepping back.
i'm waiting for the actions to tell me what i want to know.
and if the actions aren't forthcoming,
then that's the way it all goes.
everything gets chalked up to painful, learning experiences.